The Story of ‘We’
Our first session focused on the story of ‘me’; how we became who we are, the challenges we faced and overcame, the drivers that keep pushing us forward. In the next part of our journey, we will focus on the story of ‘we’; that is, the extended layer of ourselves where we connect to others on our path.
A passage from Mark Nepo’s ‘More Together Than Alone’ describes the nature of this process very beautifully.
When atoms join, they form molecules. When molecules join, they form organisms. When organisms join, they form tissue. When issues join, a body is formed. Unless interrupted, this is the unfolding of life. Similarly, when hearts are opened, they form bonds. When bonds are deepened, they form relationships. When relationships are inclusive, they expand our sense of kinship. When kinships are strengthened, a community is created. Unless interrupted, this is the unfolding of the social self, which is the atom of community’.
How does your story of ‘me’ unfold to become your story of ‘we’?
A useful place to start thinking about what ‘we’ means in your personal context is to take an inventory of the key people in your life. What does that mean?
Well, we all have only 24 hours a day to spend one way or another, and we all need to look into a mirror or into the eyes of others to have ourselves reflected back to us. That is to say, we all struggle with this question of ‘me’ within the context of ‘we’ no matter who we are. It is part of our human nature.
A good way to start thinking about your ‘we’ is by looking around you and re-sensing who you are actually ‘doing your life’ with.
Who are the people shaping your average daily experience of life? These are not necessarily the people that you most identify with or prefer to see, or that you used to see, but those people now that you DO associate the most with, like it or not. Generally speaking, we are the sum average of the 5 people that we most closely share space with in our lives. These might include your colleagues, housekeeper, spouse, relatives, and others that you possibly take for granted because they are so obvious.
Write down the 5 people you spend MOST TIME with on a daily/regular basis. How voluntary is your association with them? (i.e., did you choose them consciously?) What sensations do these people arouse in you? What atmosphere do they create in your life? How fixed is this inner circle of yours? …
Contemplate on your broader community, say the 15 people that form your inner tribe. Write down their names reflect on them. Why are they in your life? Why do you associate with them? What are your shared values, dreams, energies, etc?
Unfolding the Story of We
1. Take some time for personal reflection and prepare what you are going to say (your 2 min story)
2. Find a partner you haven’t worked with yet
3. Take turns:
a. Share your story (2 mins)
b. Receive feedback and coaching from your partner (3 mins)
c. Swap roles
4. Find another partner you haven’t worked with and repeat step (3)
5. If you have time, find a third partner and repeat again
6. In the whole group, each of us will share our 2 minute story of us
Guidelines
The intent of our “story of we” is to inspire us to act together by building our sense of community, by recognizing our shared values and purpose and by naming some of the resources we have to accomplish our goals and what drives us to do so. At this point, we are not looking for a specific call to action (that comes next in the “story of now”) – but rather a story that speaks to our common identity and sense of connection and community.
Challenge: What is the specific challenge you face(d) with your inner tribe? Why was / is it OUR challenge? What can you do together that you can’t do alone?
Choice: What are the choices we made or need to make? Where do we get the courage? How do ‘we’ make decisions as a whole?
Outcome: What was / will be the result of our choice? What hope can it give us?
Connect to self: how does your story of ‘me’ connect with your story of ‘we’?
Define your “we”: how would you define the “we” whom you hope to call upon to join you? Think about this group but also your wider network of colleagues, peers, business leaders, etc.
Call on shared values and experiences: which overarching values, experiences, or aspirations will you appeal to when you call on others to join you in action? What stories highlight the shared values and experiences of the people to whom you’re speaking?
Make it relatable: what was a positive or negative experience you had that others might share or understand? What about your story might others relate to? What about your story might invite others to share those same feelings/emotions you had?
Make it specific: consider the stories you have heard from others and what has resonated for you. Think about stories from your wider network. Think of specific challenges you have faced as a community, collective choices you made, and the outcomes of those experiences. Can you tell a specific story about specific people at a specific time that can remind everyone of values that we might all related to and/or share?
COACHING TIPS
As a coach, listen to the way the story is told and think of ways that the storytelling could be improved.
DON’T simply offer vague “feel good” comments. (“That was a really great story!”)
DO coach each other on the following points:
INTERWEAVING SELF & US: Did the story of ‘we’ relate to the story of ‘me’? If so, what was the common thread?
THE US: Who is the ‘we’ in the story? Do you feel included in the ‘we’?
“When you talk about________, I felt strongly connected and part of the “we” you were describing.”
“I wasn’t sure how________ related to the “we”. It would be helpful if you could spell that out more.”
THE CHALLENGE: What were the specific challenges the storyteller described? Did the storyteller paint a vivid picture of those challenges?
“When you described ________, I got a clear picture of the challenge.”
“I understood the challenge to be ________. Is that what you intended?”
“When you described____, I got a clear picture of the challenge; but I am still curious about__________.”
THE CHOICE: Was there a clear choice that was made or suggested in response to each challenge? How did the choice make you feel? (Hopeful? Angry?)
“To me, the choice you made / suggested was _______, and it made me feel _______.”
“It would be helpful if you focused on the moment you made a choice / or the moment we now face.”
THE OUTCOME: What was the specific outcome that resulted from each choice / or the possible outcome of the choice, or if we fail to make that choice? What does that outcome teach us?
“How would you describe the outcome of your story? What would you like to teach us?”
“I understood the outcome was _______, and it teaches me _______. But how does it relate to your/our work now?”
“What was the audience you intend to address? What are you asking them to do?”
THE VALUES: Could you identify what this person’s values are and where they came from? How? How did the story make you feel?
“Your story made me feel ________ because _________.”
“It’s clear from your story that you value _______; but it could be even clearer if you told a story about where that value comes from.”
DETAILS: Were there sections of the story that had especially good details or images (e.g. sights, sounds, smells, or emotions of the moment)?
“The image of ________ really helped me identify with what you were feeling.”
“Try telling more details about _______ so we can imagine what you were experiencing.”